009: How To Survive As An Introvert
Millie: Hey guys, its Millie.
Gabi: Hello, it’s Gabi.
M: And we are back for another week of Change By Degrees, super super pumped. And we are going to be talking about something that is near and dear and close to our hearts. And we hope you all are doing well, chugging along in the semester. You’re like, in the thick of it.
G: Yeah, in the middle
M: And you’re like, “Am I gonna make it?” You start questioning.
G: You will make it.
M: You didn’t quit the first week, so you know what, you can make it to the end.
G: Those are very two extremes. You didn’t quit the first one, so just keep going.
M: And we are here for you, so. This episode is about introverts, and how to survive as an introvert. That could be in college, out of college.
G: The workplace.
M: So, extroverts you can tune off now!
G: Or you can learn, you can learn the struggles of being an introvert in an extroverted world. I just came up with that right now.
M: Wow, that should go on a T-shirt.
G: An introvert in an extroverted world?
M: That’s my existence right there.
G: Because that’s pretty much how the world is like, designed, or the way that society is built around extroverted people, and I’m like, Girl but we gotta give it up for the introverts. Because we kind of make things happen.
M: We rule the world.
G: So, extroverts, I’m sorry, but um, it’s about the introverts. So anyway, yes, how to be an introvert. Uh, so what is the hardest thing about being in introvert for you?
M: Okay, so this is tough. For me the hardest part about it is getting exhausted from just normal day to day conversation. Like, people I think people could have said I was an introvert in high school because I was super shy. And now I’ve gotten a lot better with it as I’ve gone to college and learned to deal with people and not run away when I see them, and just have conversations better, but I still get tired. Especially with people that I don’t know, like going in and out and having to deal with professors, students, coworkers, the barista at Starbucks.
G: That is draining by the way.
M: That is draining.
G: Because you know your order but then you mess up, and then it’s just so stressful.
M: And I don’t think people understand that like I can be super extroverted in the conversation, in the discussion, in the day to day, but at the end of the day I’m like, dude I’m gonna touch my bed and fall asleep because I’m like drained. So, I think that’s the hardest part because I’m like, it shouldn’t be this hard, but it is.
G: It is, and first of all, okay, some people don’t even know what introvert and extrovert really means. Like introvert is just you just gain your energy when you’re alone. Like, that’s what an introvert really is. And like, you can be an introvert and still like being around people. An introvert doesn’t mean you hate people or don’t like being outside with people or whatever. An introvert just means that you derive your energy from being by yourself. That’s really all it means. People think that all introverts are shy, that’s not true.
M: And vice versa, extroverts doesn’t always mean you like to be out with people.
G: and it doesn’t mean that extroverts hate being alone by themselves, but it just means they get most of their energy from being around others. Whereas it’s just the opposite for us. So you could have so many different types of introverts. But the baseline is that you get your energy and you get rejuvenated by just being by yourself. So, establish that. Because I think a lot of times people think that, I don’t know what they think.
M: That they’re shy, that they don’t like people, or like are um, recluses in society. Or that they’re afraid of people. And I’m like, that’s super like not 21st century.
G: It could be true for some people, for some introverts, but it’s not true for everyone.
M: It’s not true for me, and I don’t think it’s true for you either.
G: No, but we just get our energy from being by ourselves. So, for me, I think that its being an introvert, well, that’s the other thing, when I was growing up, I didn’t know I was an introvert, I was like an elementary schooler, I wasn’t like, “Yeah, I’m an introvert.”
M: I could have told you that, but
G: I didn’t know that that was what was going on.
M: What is was.
G: Yeah, that that’s what it was. I just knew that being around people for a really extended period of time was completely draining. And then when I get drained, I get anxious, so being anxious I thought, I was like, there’s something wrong with me, how come I don’t enjoy family the same way that other people in my family enjoy being around family, and it’s just because you’re an introvert and you’re done. Like, your mind and your body are completely done, like, you’re drained. But as an adult it was difficult being an introvert sometimes just because being an introvert for me personally kept me from speaking about things when I wanted to, because, you know, introverts, I think for the most part tend to live in their mind, and I’m a very internal processor, so I might have a good idea, whether it be in school or the workplace or whatever, and that good idea pops into my mind, and all of a sudden I have 400 other thoughts being like no that’s a stupid idea, you shouldn’t say that, someone else will probably say it who is better than you, you don’t really know anything, just be quiet you’re just going to embarrass yourself. Like those are at the thoughts that I have as an introvert, and so because I am just an internal processor, so as an adult that has been hard to get over that, and be like, okay first of all, introvertedness, you have your place, but right now,
M: You’re taking over.
G: You’re taking over and you’re you know, so having a balance between being an introverted person and being proud of that, but also finding that balance that um, to speak out when I want to and not allowing my introvertedness or my anxiety, or whatever, to dictate who I talk to, when I talk to them, what is say, in whatever setting. So, for me, I think that’s been the most difficult part, but I definitely think I’ve gotten better at it.
M: And that’s important. Like I used to not recognize my ability to voice out my opinion in a group of people as introvertedness. I thought I was just shy, or just not brave enough to say something, but no that’s part of my introvertness and it’s okay to get my energy from being alone, but it’s not okay to not feel good about me sharing my opinion. So, I think that’s like, good, that you brought that up, because I forgot about it, but I’m like yeah that’s a part of being an introvert, but it’s something that you need to deal with. It’s okay to say like I need to be alone, but it’s not okay to say, I can’t share my thoughts.
G: Right, exactly, there’s that balance we need. And I think it takes some time to find that balance and I’m sure extroverts suffer with the same type of finding a balance, I don’t know what that would be, I don’t know, I know extroverts, but I don’t know.
M: It’s not like we are introverts and extroverts, we are both introverts, so.
G: Yeah, we are both introverts, so I can’t be like, “Well, Millie, what do you think about being an extrovert?” Because she’s not. But um anyway that is just kind of the first point that we had. Establishing that we are introverted. And that’s okay. But the way, and I made Millie take this test, I make everyone I know take it.
M: She did, I didn’t know it existed.
G: I’m really into personality tests, but I will say this one is not like a BuzzFeed quiz, it’s actually like a
M: It was spot on.
G: It’s called the Meyers-Briggs test, and it kind of, I don’t know how to describe it, and I’m sure a lot of you have heard it, but it’s a test that you take, and I think it’s only, I don’t know, less than 50 questions. Maybe 30 questions.
M: It wasn’t too long.
G: It might take some time if you really have to think through it, but it’s a really good test to kind of determine whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, how you deal with situations, how you deal with arguing with someone, how you deal with relationships, so it just kind of helps you to determine, kind of gives your personality a “name.” and not that everyone’s personality can fit inside of a box because you’re so complex of a person and you are created so complexly that it’s you can’t, four letters, which is what this test uses to determine what type of personality you have can’t determine your entire personality. But it does help, at least me, it helps me see how my personality deals with certain situations, my strengths and weaknesses, um, in general, my strengths and weaknesses in the workplace.
M: How you deal with relationships, what relationships are best for you, that was really helpful.
G: Exactly, so it’s just kind of something that is helpful. I recommend that you take it as a young adult, because, I feel like if you take it in high school or middle school, you just change so much. Not that you can’t change as a young adult, but you’re kind of more established in your personality and what’s up with how you think and how you process things and the activities you do throughout the day, so definitely take it.
M: And it can change, I’m assuming.
G: Yeah, it can change. I actually haven’t taken it in a few years, so I wonder if I took it…the last time I took it was I think I was a sophomore in college, and that was 3 years ago. So, I wonder if I took it now if it would change. It might change slightly.
M: And not everything might be spot on, but I do think that for the parts that you resonate with, the advice they give you on like, what Gabi was saying, was super helpful. For me, I am an INFJ. The advocate. I think you can’t get anything that you’re like - I don’t want to be that. Every single option sounds good. Even if you have your weaknesses they are strengths that you say that’s me!
G: That’s what’s so cool about it.
M: I really like how the website, and we’ll link it in the show notes, how it presents every personality type. Every personality has strengths and weaknesses and we all need each other. I just loved the positivity, it’s so good. So for me, and Gabi helped me with this -
G: So the letters are INFJ
M: Yes
G: Okay the first one is introverted, which we already knew.
M: Yeah, and the N...
G: The N in intuitive, instead of doing II, they do introverted and then intuitive is an N.
M: And so then feeling for the F, and then judging. And I looked this up, cause I was like I don’t want to be a judging person! But then I did my research and judging is more like, I need to be an organized person. And that you’re the type of person to make to-do lists. And I’m like, we already know, we both do to-do lists. Our life is a to-do list. Everyday that’s how I can address things. I like seeing it in a list and scratching it off. It’s not like judging other people. It’s just how you deal with things.
G: We both do that. But I feel like you do it because you’re super organized. I make lists because I’m a visual person and it's hard for me to know what’s happening if I don’t write it down. I can’t - I’m not an auditory person. Someone’s who like, “oh yeah, I have five things in my mind, I’ll get them done.” I have to see it on a piece of paper. So yeah, we’re both judging because mine is too, but for different reasons.
M: But thats cool. You know what? We’re all different and we both like lists, just for different reasons. And hers is super similar.
G: Yeah, we have a one letter difference. Mine - and I have to look because I always mess it up, the one letter - is also introverted, intuitive, and then mine is thinking. Yours is feeling, so yours is an F and mine’s a T. And then we have Judging at the end. But it was so funny because when we took it - well when she took it like a few months ago - it was so spot on. Like the letters difference - because you’re feeling and I’m thinking.
M: Which is so true! Because with Gabi, if someone says something she won’t think twice about it in a way that she would be feeling bad or second guessing herself. That’s so good, for me I’ll be like - “why did they say this ugh!”
G: Because you’re like..
M: Panicking
G: Yeah if someone comes up to you and says something like, you did a bad job on this-
M: I’ll self-doubt myself.
G: Yeah you’re like oh my God I’m so bad at this thing, I must suck. That’s not true. Where if someone comes up and says the exact same thing, I’m like okay they can think that but I know it’s not true. Just because you think that doesn’t make it true. It’s not true. But where you internalize it.
M: I do.
G: You’re like I must be really bad, and it’s like, no that person just kinda sucks. Whatever they said is not true. That was the letter difference, like the only difference. Everything else was the same.
M: It was really really funny. But yeah it’s not that, and I think reading it on a web page and seeing that even though it results in self-doubt it’s not always that well-founded. I was like, okay good, and I;mnot entirely sure what was wrong with you, your weaknesses, but I think it was good just to see. You take it, have your friends take it, it was super fun!
G: Let us know what you get!
M: It doesn’t take a whole lot of time.
G: No it doesn’t.
M: And you can learn a whole lot about yourself and other people. You can guess this person is - whatever other letter combination - I suck at remembering them but yes.
G: You’re getting better at it though!
M: I am, I am. So I think for us introverts, the thing we had is like know your limits. Okay? Because sometimes I haven’t and that can be disastrous. You can be drained for a day, but if you like drained yourself for days on end, weeks, you know months - you’re setting yourself up for a bad situation.
G: Right. It’s kind of like you’re setting yourself up for failure. Like you know what you have to do in order to recoup and if you’re not doing that I think for introverts it’s hard to put your best foot forward. Which is what like most people strive to do.
M: Yeah.
G: Especially whether you’re in classes or you’re in the workforce or whatever - it’s hard to do your best as an introvert if you didn't get that alone time that you needed to just sit and decompress. So that’s super important, knowing your limits and knowing that you know you have limits. I think, first of all, identifying those limits, like how do you know you’re reaching your limit for a day? Or for a week - that you’re literally like breaking down.
M: That’s very true.
G: Like I need my alone time.
M: I think I can know - usually I can tell I’m hitting my limit when I start blank-staring into space.
G: Which you do a lot.
M: Yeah I know sometimes it’s when I’m being too nice. I’m just going through oblivion, is what I call it. I’m not really taking in all that’s happening around me. And I’m like, okay, I’m reaching it let’s go chill out at home or wherever it is for a while.
G: Like you’re so not comprehending anything that anyone is saying.
M: That is me.
G: I can tell when that - because when someone is talking to you your eyebrows kind of raise and you’re just like… Mhmmm, Mhmmm.
M: Hahaha! That’s me, that’s me. I don’t know what to do with myself.
G: It’s like you have the blankest stare and I don’t know if everyone realizes that when they’re talking to you, but I can definitely be like, she’s not hearing a word this lady is saying! At all!
M: I can’t hide it well. Gabi does pretty well.
G: Well I mean, you don’t really have to hide it.
M: That’s the thing, you don’t hide it.
G: No, I don't. I don't really hide it.
M: Like, i’ll say something, and she’ll be like, “Sorry Millie, I wasn't listening.” And I'm like, ok let me say it again.
G: I will tell you that I’m like not listening.
M: I pretend to, and then you’ll be like, “You’re not listening.”
G: Well, that’s the thing, like you'll pretend to listen and I can tell you’re not listening. Just tell me, whereas I’ll be like yeah, i'm not listening to you. Can you wait like 5 minutes and then I’ll listen.
M: That’s good.
G: Well because I don't want you to waste your breath, you know?
M: So honest, brutal.
G: and then I have to say it again.
M: But with knowing your limits, don't let others guilt trip you into going somewhere or doing something or hanging out because here’s the thing, people think that if you’re an introvert and you aren't getting that time, you drain, it just affects how you interact with other people. No, it affects you, your mental health, how well you perform in other things, how well you can focus, so it’s not just like, affecting like, oh i feel bad because my friends don't get to hang out with me, or vice versa, like there’s a lot of other things at stake. I know i struggled with saying no to hanging out with friends because it’s inherently good and for some people there's no problem and its not just like, maybe I need the time to do homework, maybe you don’t need the time to do whatever else, you just need time to be alone, and that can be a hard thing when you don’t have an excuse except like, you know what I mean?
G: Yes, and that’s a huge problem because people are like, oh what are you doing instead? And you feel bad being like, well nothing. But it’s true, like dude, i need to sit and not do anything so that i'm not a horrible person to be around. Because this is the thing, if you want me to go to whatever event with you, i can probably force myself to go, but i'll be a horrible person to be around. You will hate me. Because when i get super, not even tired, just socially exhausted, i'm like, just out of it, and I can't, whatever comes out of my mouth dude, i'm like the snippiest person, just bad. I just, everything that comes out of my mouth, I have no regrets, im like whatever dude, i don’t know why I get into this attitude where I, not like wanting to hurt people with words, but just being--im angry-
M: Not caring what your words will do to the person.
G: Exactly. I'm like whatever I say, and i'm the most argumentative person, you could be like, the sky is blue today, and i’ll be like well not really, it's like a periwinkle. Like i will argue any point with you. So I will go to that event with you, but i won't be very pleasant.
M: You don't want her to.
G: I’ll make your time horrible.
M: And you probably won’t enjoy it yourself.
G: Oh, no, I won't enjoy it.
M: Don’t do it to that person, don’t do it to yourself, just chill. So knowing your limits, taking time off, and then, what are some practices that you adopted that help you deal with that? Like, what’s a break to you?
G: I, well, for me literally just being alone. I could be sitting just on my phone by myself and im like, this is great. But also when I was in college at least, just finding a spot to just be alone. And i know for a lot of college students, it’s not your room because you have roommates. And like, I know, because my freshman year, I lived with 2 other girls and we had a bathroom that connected to two other girls, and I loved all of them.
M: That’s like, my worst nightmare.
G: Well that was the good thing, we were tripled but we all got along so great, so it wasn't something that I was walking into a bad situation in in my room, we got along great, but its just like, that’s not a safe haven for me as an introvert. That’s like, death. So if im like, gonna be a pleasant person when i walk through that door and see my roommates i need to find a secluded place somewhere else. And for me, there were a few places, either just being outside on, CNU has a great lawn in the center of campus, and it’s just this huge grassy area. And I would take a towel out and i would just sit on there for however long I needed and just read with either headphones or something so no one bothers me, um or there was this other place that I know everyone at CNU knows what im talking about, but it’s called the whisper wall. It’s hard to explain.
M: That sounds a little creepy. Like, im sorry whoever came up with that name.
G: It does. I don't know if that’s what it’s actually called. But it’s really cool. Let me make sure I get this right, so it’s this curved wall, and there are like benches, it’s hard to explain. But everyone at CNU knows, and it’s funny because some people don’t know it’s a whisper wall and people sit and talk on the phone and you can hear it like across campus, because when you sit there, the area that it’s in, you can hear, like it echoes.
M: Creepy, but cool.
G: So I would go there and the bench that was on the inside, the wall was really tall, so you could sit there, and no one would know you were there. It was half a circle, like curved or whatever. And so I would go there and sit and read, and it was super super nice and secluded, or like I would fine, i like being in, this is gonna sound really creepy, but you know on your college campus when everyone is gone for the day and the professors have left, it’s so nice, right? So the building that i spent pretty much all of my time in was McMurran, which is the art and humanities building, and that’s where English was, that’s where government was.
M: An abandoned building is like, wow.
G: It’s the best. So I would go after 5 or 6pm after everyone was gone and most classes were over and I would find an empty classroom and sit there by myself, with the whole classroom to myself which is already kind of cool because you’re like i'm the only one in this classroom and i can use the chalkboard, and bla bla bla, and I would sit there and do my work or whatever and it was so nice and it was just fantastic. So those were the places that let me recoup, whatever I was doing homework or reading or whatever, that was the space that i could feel free to do that in.
M: That’s really good, like in Mason, it’s a big school, a commuter school, and so like when it’s busy, it’s busy. There is no place that does not have tons of people in it, and so like i end up finding those abandoned spots, and my mom is like, don't go to that corner and i'm like, okay, but there's no one. Actually i took two summer classes once, and like, campus is like abandoned, and it’s the best. You can walk out and not here screaming people talking all the time. And i'm like wow, i loved it. And then having to go back to like regular fall semester after the summer semester. It was shocking. So like usually, we have Starbucks on campus, and the library is nice too. But like still tons of people, so I just put my headphones in and listen to music. I know some people can’t study like with music on, and i can, thank God.
G: I can too, if i couldnt i don't know what i would do.
M: Yeah, so even where there is a lot of people, usually you can find a side table, somewhat secluded, then it’s worth it. And I have my little setup, i can stay there for hours, really focusing. And that’s how i can block it out because I can't tell you a place on campus, i mean i didn't stay there so maybe I didn't have time to find a place, so if there are any mason students watching let me know if you find one because i still have one semester to go and I need to find a place. It’s usually just headphones and me, and i peace out.
G: That can be your space. Anytime your headphones are in, it’s your space.
M: And if I have them in, dont talk to me.
G: You could be in the middle of a tornado, if you have your headphones in, you’re good.
M: It’s not safe, it really isn't safe. And then not at school, I really like my office, you guys have seen on the instastory content. It’s a small closet, but it’s mine. And i can not have headphones there if i want to. And then at home, i love the outdoors, and we have a little deck and it faces toward the forest, and i'm like, i can think, and i like hearing the wind go across the leaves, and i'm like this is my happy place. So those are like the top 3 places, and hopefully you can listen to music on your headphones, because if you can’t that sucks.
G: Here’s the thing, sometimes if im in the mood to like listening to music while i do whatever, i will, but there have been times where im perfectly fine with using the background noise of wherever I'm at.
M: it depends on the sound level and how loud it is.
G: Right, if people are screaming, i'm like alright bye, but if it’s like that quiet hum of conversation, like in a library.
M: That can be nice, Mason is just chock full of people all the time. And it’s like you have a group right next to you screaming talking about not academic things at all.
G: Right, they’re just talking about whatever they are talking about. And it’s like i'm really glad you’re having a conversation right now, but please.
M: It’s really distracting me! Um so, do you have no other spots that you hang out in?
G: I guess my room, kind of like what you said about your deck, i don't have a deck, but i do, my room.
M: She has a deck.
G: I don't have a deck.
M: I know but that you wish you had a deck.
G: Oh yeah, and she has plants on the deck. See all my plants are like, succulents, I have 8 now, I find that I, well they’re all on my window sill and my window looks out to the back and it’s just woods, and it’s really nice because I have a bird feeder, and I get to see the birds fly down and like. I love it.
M: I’ve gotten quite a few snapchats, like here’s the birds this morning! It’s so funny.
G: You never know what you’re going to see. Dude, squirrels are entertaining.
M: Yeah, but my blueberry plant.
G: She named it after me but I didn't get any blueberries.
M: Because they steal them, like, they steal them or store nuts in the dirt, Like sir!
G: But it’s fun to sit there, and sometimes in the morning, if i don't have tons of things to do, usually i do, but ill sit there and just, it’s so mesmerizing to watch, because it’s like you notice different things, we have squirrels and birds and deer in our backyard too that come up and eat whatever they want, um so that’s also cool. We have this one fox that keeps coming back which is not good because a lady got attacked by a fox in the neighborhood. Shout out to that lady.
M: You told me there are also snakes.
G: Yeah we have snakes.
M: Dude, okay, totally off topic but we have to have this conversation. We had a racoon--we have a little cat, okay. Cat’s name is Manina, my brother calls her ancient because she never dies.
G: Are you waiting for her to die or something?
M: He is, but nope she's past the age of dying so she’ll just live forever. But she has a little kitty door, she’s actually is potty trained to go out, it’s the best ever. But this little kitty door, what a problem, because it’s fenced in, but we had a racoon come through that door once, and every night the racoon found where the kitty food was and they eat so loud, and so it found where the kitty bag of food was. They broke into it and spilled it all over, and so mom was like losing her mind.
G: So how did you prevent it from coming back?
M: I forget exactly like what we had done, i think we had put mothballs. They don’t like it, so we were able to like, it moved elsewhere and it wasn't a problem. One time it came in when my brother was downstairs, and he lost it, he dropped the chair that he was sitting on, and was like ahhh!
G: I would be scared, because those things have rabies and stuff. Like.
M: I don't think it did, but it was just like, sir, no thank you. So we just dealt with it that way and we have not had that problem again. So now that we’ve.
G: That’s the ugly side of nature.
M: Again, like the good the bad of nature, and animals, which is not--maybe animals are introverts too.
G: Animals are nice in my neck of the woods.
M: Mine are a little, like, imposing.
G: They don't really know personal space.
M: They’re extroverts in my neighborhood.
G: We, the only incident, we have introverted animals. Except for that fox that attacked, she’s not my neighbor, she lives a few houses down, but it’s funny and it’s not funny and she had to go get a shot for rabies. And i saw the fox the other day, it ran through my yard.
M: That’s so serious, it’s not funny, but I’ll laugh.
G: If i was her, that would be my big event, like yeah i got attacked by a fox and I lived to tell you about it. Anyway, rabbit trail, but it’s fine. To go back, we like being outside, in nature.
M: A cafe moment, a nature moment.
G: It’s just nice to be outside in nature and recoup that way. Actually both for college students and if you're working full time, you're inside all the time. You might walk from building to building but.
M: There is no nice lighting, and we need to start a movement of better lighting in these college campuses.
G: Soft lighting, like relaxed thing.
M: Starbucks has it. After rush hour, it’s a spot.
G: That’s true.
M: So we will start that petition, softer lighting on college campuses.
G: That just gave me like warm feelings. I just love thinking of warm spaces like that with soft lighting and cozy.
M: That’s my room. I have mini lights.
G: I have two lamps and they’re both like 30 watt bulbs, so when you turn them on it’s still very minimal lighting.
M: I have those fairy lights.
G: Yes!
M: So anyway, that’s this episode, if you are an extrovert let us know how you live your life.
G: I am so curious. I have friends that are extroverts but they’re not extreme extroverts to the point where, i guess they have an introverted streak i guess, but the people who are extroverted all the time. Let us know how you live your life. Do you need to have alone time, is that something you need?
M: I think they get drained by being alone. Like, they need to be around people.
G: That’s just so different.
M: And if you’re an introvert let us know if you have other tips.
G: Let us know because I still need them.
M: Sometimes I fail and I need more spots on campus if you go to Mason. You can always share on instagram, twitter, facebook, email where we try to drop you a few notes, so sign up on our website. Youtube channel, all the places. Introverts unite over social media.
G: That’s like that meme: Introverts unite, in our separate houses, alone, together. So me.
M: That’s so funny! So, yeah, we will see you all next week and we hope that you have a great week, and just let us know if you have any questions and share! See you guys next week.
G: Bye