007: They're Not Like You & That's Okay!

Millie: Hey it’s Millie

Gabi: It’s Gabi

M: and we are back and giggly and all the feelings. But we have a big episode and it’s called “They’re not like you and that’s okay.”

G: That’s a good one.

M: We live with other people. It’s not just you soloing it out in this world.

G: We share this world. We share it.

M: We do! And how do we cope with that? It’s a hard life but it’s okay. We are going to get through it, and we are going to talk about it. It’s good, so we have a little discussion point to open this up. Do you think befriending people who are different than you gets easier in college?

G: I don’t know if it gets easier. There are more opportunities to befriend people who are not like you in college but easier? I don’t know if it ever gets easier. Because even if you go into the workforce, you’re going to be with people who are way different than you. And does it make it easier? I don’t know, but I mean you’re shoved nearer to them on a regular basis more often.

M: I know, the people living in dorms, I’m like, dude, I say we are called to relationships but like living that close to people, I’m not called. I don’t know how you did that.

G: it’s a challenge. It’s a challenge.

M: I was like naw.

G: Because I was tripled my first semester. Freshman year, I got the really crappy dorms because I wasn’t in the honors college and so we got the leftovers.

M: we didn’t have good dorms.

G: Okay well at CNU they have really nice dorms. Very nice. So anyway, all the overflow got shoved into Santoro Hall, and Santoro Hall was a mess. It was just bad. And it was really crappy, and I got tripled. So, it was me, and two other people in one room, and our bathroom connected to another—that was the other thing, we did have bathrooms, that was good—we didn’t have hall bathrooms or community bathrooms.

M: you had to clean it though, right?

G: Yeah, we had to clean it. But our bathroom connected us to another room that had two girls so there were 5 of us. 

M: Oh, so it was like, 3, 2, one bathroom?

G: Yeah, I think they call them like “jack and jills.” Like they have one room here and one room here and they are connected by a bathroom. So, I was with 3 girls and our bathroom connected us to two other girls. And that was a challenge let me tell you. Like that was insane. Everyone was different, everyone had their own different schedules, everyone you know did things differently. Which is fine. But it wasn’t just for a month, it was for the whole year. From August to May, that was your life. And um it was difficult, but uh I think it’s good though.

M: Yeah, I mean even though I didn’t stay for more than like two weeks living in a dorm.

G: that’s still a challenge.

M: it was a struggle. It’s still—you’ve been living at home—and you’re not living, but you’re spending a bigger part of your day with people that you’ve never seen before with different perspectives, and that was, like, I wasn’t shocked but it still was like, “What is happening right now?” Because in classes someone else is in charge over what you’re talking about, thinking about for such a large part of the time, and I guess you could say that’s true in high school, but that’s like, college light. Super diet light college. And with that, it was just—and you might think you have classes that are like, math and science and have no place for like, personal opinions and stuff like that. But your professors will talk about what they want to talk about when they want to talk about it.

G: Because they get paid to do that and they can do whatever they want because you are paying to be there.

M: Tenure.

G: Tenure is a thing.

M: It’s all a scam. And with classmates too, like, you might think, “I really like this person,” and then you have lunch with them and you’re like, “Woah the way you think is like I’ve never heard that before, I’ve never—what is this?” so for me, it was my first real opportunity to interact with people who were really truly different than me. Whether that was for classes—I didn’t have a lot of time to stay after my classes were done. But it was a learning experience and I think it was good for me. People don’t have to be like you, like we are going to think different, we are going to be different. Even, like, friends—we think differently. And its okay, you have to learn to deal with it. We weren’t meant to be the same so that’s what we are going to be discussing a little bit more in depth but, I’m excited. Because we meet all types of people in college.

G: Yes, and if you think about it, when you’re in college, or even at a job, people come from all over the world, or all over the country or all over the state, of course we’re not going to have the same—people are brought up differently, and because you’re brought up differently from the person sitting next to you in class, that means you’re going to have a completely different mindset, a completely different viewpoint. And that can make things super fun, that can also make things super interesting—

M: Or not.

G: in a more negative way. But I think meeting new people is just—I always liked meeting new people. Did I enjoy everyone that I met? No, but I think it’s important to meet new people—it just gives you a new perspective and new way of thinking about things. And they can change your perspective, which is also something that is really really cool because it’s like, “Oh, I didn’t realize that, whatever topic, was like that where you are, or wherever you live, or that was your experience with something.”

M: You learn a lot.

G: Yeah, you learn. You learn from people, and I think that’s also what college is about. Yes, we are sitting in the classroom and we are learning from the professor because that’s what we have to do but it’s like you also learn a ton from the people who are just around you whether you’re living with them in a dorm or going to class with them or their in your same major, you’re also learning from them as well.

M: Yeah, I mean, it’s a good exercise. You learn from them, and hopefully they learn from you. Like in conversations peer pressure is a thing, and so you can feel peer pressured into like, “Well they think this way”—and you know it challenges you. It challenges the way you were brought up, and makes you think about my faith, how I do things, about whatever it is. It’s not just class material because we are going to talk about things that are not class material. So, I mean, did you meet anyone in college that was like different or similar? Make friends?

G: Yeah, there were definitely people I met in college who I didn’t expect to be friends with, just because they’re from a different—I don’t want to say friend group because we are in college, we are not 5—but from a different like, they like doing certain things so they hang out with certain people or whatever, whether it be like, sports or like the really artsy types.

M: The art building at mason is like creepy. Its creepy. They’re out there. They have this mural on the side of the wall, and it looked like aliens. I was like.

G: That’s a different way of thinking. That’s a way different way of thinking than anything.

M: the classrooms are different, and the building because it’s not like, painting, it’s like architecture, and like. Its weird to me.

G: Not just like painting, but also architecture, and like, I don’t know if mason, but CNU has the Ferguson…art…what’s it called? I don’t know, it’s called the Ferguson, we call it the Ferg. And it’s being expanded now so we are going to fit in even more art people. And it was like the art people, the theater people are in that building, the music people. In every college, those are your—what should we call them?

G: The creative minded.

M: The thing is I’m lumped into that because I have music so we’re weird.

G: see, that’s what I’m saying, you can’t get away from that. The band people were in that building.

M: They’re intense. But I think—

G: I love them. The band people at CNU they were hilarious to me. I only went to football games so I could see them at halftime and then I would leave. Because they were so into it and they loved it so much, and I was like dude, these people are awesome.

M: it’s a whole different culture. Because people go to college and are like, “I’m going to find my people and we are going to be in this group, and oh my gosh, I hope they like me,” but no.

G: and then you meet someone who is completely different and you’re like, “You know, I kinda like you.”

M: Here’s the thing, I went into music, and I was thinking I was going to have all these people I’m going to be friends with, and I’m like, dude, I find the majority of my classmates super annoying. I’m so sorry.

G: Music majors at Mason, look alive, because you’re doing something.

M: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I mean okay it, I just—because they’re people who knew what they wanted to do since they were 5 and I’m super—like piano or performance majors, their instrument is live, and you can get super uptight about it, like I’m the best at whatever. And music is super competitive, we have recital and like, who is better? We are judged by juries, we are constantly on this pedestal, and I was able to see better sides of it where is a more supportive community, but especially in tech, which is not an instrument, we are kind of like, downgraded from actual musicians, and so you always feel like you’re trying to defend yourself in music.

G: Or prove yourself?

M: Yeah, because we are a new degree even, so we are seen as not legitimate is basically how it feels like. Even though that’s not what I expected, it was more work on my part to be like, “I can see where you’re coming from and support. I mean, I was part of a classical guitar ensemble, and it was all these guys, and eventually, I mean you can be friends with people. It’s not as hard as you think it is. You just can’t be—just because you disagree with something doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. 

G: Yeah, just because we disagree on one opinion doesn’t mean we can’t be civil to each other. And it also doesn’t mean that we have to be best friends. Like I can be kind to you, but I don’t have to invite you to my house. We can be, I always call those people like, almost like classmate friends.

M: It’s true.

G: where in my phone I would have like their name, like Elizabeth comma science class. I don’t know her last name it's just Elizabeth, science. And I’m like, “Oh yeah, I know who that is.” But after that class is over, I will probably never talk to you again. If I see you, I’ll wave.

M: dude, I have to go through my contact list and like, delete, delete, delete, delete.

G: Yeah, after the semester is over, it’s like getting rid of notebooks. Like you’re going through your contacts and you’re like—

M: People are not notebooks, Gabi.

G: They’re not notebooks, but you know what I mean, like they’re not—and that’s okay, they probably don’t want to be best friends with you either. That’s the thing.

M: Know that going in. Unless you’re diluted and you’re like, “This person will be my best friend.”

G: Yeah, unless you think everyone likes you. But that’s a whole other thing. But I’m sure they’re doing the same thing with your name. like, I’m sure my name in her phone was like, “Gabi, whatever.”

M: Math 101. We hate math together and that’s what we have in common and that’s what will get us through.

G: And after we got our grade, she probably deleted my number and threw her notebook away. And I’m like girl that’s valid, because I did the same thing.

M: That’s too funny.

G: but that’s definitely—I don’t know, it’s just so much fun to meet new people in college, and like you said, you might not even get along with people in your major. I didn’t think I would get along with the people in one of my minors was like a government type minors. And so, I was around a lot of American studies students. They’re a different breed because the American studies department. Like I’m showing up in sweatpants, or jeans and a sweatshirt on any given day, and the American studies people, male or female, would walk in in like, suits. And ties, and like, the women would have pants suits, and they were very professional, and I’m like, “Lady this is American studies, like, 105. What are we doing?” but that’s what she—I mean, go ahead, dress like that. But I never thought that, one, be around the American studies department or get along with them. But they’re super cool, and they’re super nerdy and I’m super nerdy.

M: And they dress really over the top.

G: they dress very over the top. Not all of them, but a lot of them would come in, and of course their backpacks were like bulging because they would have all these textbooks, a lot of them wanted to go for law school afterwards, so they started doing law classes, and I was just like, “This is not my scene.” But one semester I remember, I talked to them so much more than I talked to English majors. And I love, I have to admit, this is the complete opposite of you, I loved my English majors. Obsessed. There was always one or two that you’re like, “Okay, whatever.” But of course.

M: They matter too.

G: In whatever major you’re in there’s always going to be a few people that you’re just not going to get along with. It doesn’t matter if you have the same interests, like you said. But I loved my English major friends, I just thought they were so funny. Little buddy, buddy. But and we just got, you know, all we did was sit and talk about books or like I don’t know, this one girl, I remember she turned to me on the first day of class, and she was like, “Do you know if this class is in MLA format?” and I was like, “I hope so.”

M: who asks that

G: I was so, I was like, “I hope so because I can’t stand Chicago style.” And she was like, “Oh my God, I know. I hope we can use the oxford comma.” And I was like, “Girl, I will be using the oxford comma.”

M: No matter what!

G: And that was how we bonded. And I was like obsessed that this chick knows what the oxford comma is. And so that’s how we bonded, and that’s fine.

M: It’s good,

G: I know not everyone’s experience is like that, but I just think it’s really fun, and even if they’re different than you, like once I got to talking to her, she had completely different life experiences, different opinions, different everything. We were polar opposites. But we bonded over that oxford comma moment, so it was fine.

M: I’m in support.

G: Listen if that’s how you bond with people, that’s how you bond. Maybe you need to try that on your music major friends.

M: No. I’m kidding.

G: Just no.

M: I have one more year. But there’s a difference. One is different, but what about dislike? How about if this person—I mean do you have any tips? Have you had to deal with some legit hate being thrown your way?

G: Yeah, some people are just really not tolerant of anything, and sometimes there are those awkward moments in class where you’re having a discussion and you say something that is not maybe super popular, but everyone is like, “Okay we appreciate your opinion,” and then there’s that one person who is like, “No. Blah, ew. Weird opinion.” And you’re like, “Dude, okay, first of all, calm down, it’s not that deep. Second of all—”

M: I think that’s like Gabi’s reaction to everything. It’s not that deep.

G: I think I’m too chill of a person to find anything, like, that deep. I don’t know. But it’s just not. Because if everyone has different opinions, you coming into a classroom and assuming that everyone is going to agree with you is kind of ignorant. Because you know, I think you think people have the same opinions as you and then you talk to someone and then you’re like, “Nope, I’m a little bit alone in this. That’s fine.” It’s okay.

M: And learn to stand strong in tat. It’s hard. The first person I dormed with, she was crazy to say the least. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but like, she ended up tattooing herself and her friends.

G: Which, disclaimer, don’t do that in your dorm room.

M: Don’t do that. That was the smallest thing out of all the issues, but we could still get along because you can still be, like you said, civil. And I think, I mean, we are Christians, also. So, we are going to have a different viewpoint. But you can still have meaningful relationships with people who don’t think the same way. And that was a great exercise for me, I went to church most of my life, so college was a great opportunity to be like, I have to make my faith my own.

G: Yeah, that’s true.

M: I’d say the majority of people at Mason, I mean, we have Cru, but in classes, I didn’t go to Cru like you did, so most of my interaction with people, they weren't and it’s not like I had to stick, I didn’t go and say, “Hi, I’m Millie, I’m a Christian.” But hopefully,

G: But you have to stand up for yourself though.

M: Yeah, and don’t let people talk you down. And it’s okay to question, and its okay to have doubts. I struggled a lot in like what I was meant to be doing in my life. But it was a great exercise in being like wow you think this way, that’s okay, I’m not going to tear you down, or hate you, and we can still be friends, but you’re not going to change the way I think about this because I know this is right. Just a great tip, I know for me, it was great to have people to validate what I was saying and feeling, staying connected to community, and your own personal time to be like this is how I think, and I’m going to go into this class…and there were times, even though they weren’t religious classes, we would talk about religious topics.

G: It would come up in conversation, yeah.

M: I had a music class and we talked about gospel music. And I wasn’t a part of this group but I was like cheering them on because I had country music, so I couldn’t really tie that in so much, but there was this group that had gospel music and the leader talked about faith, because it was relevant. And gospel music is about church and Jesus, and God, and she was like, “I’m going to explain this to you because I can’t not explain this to you.” And she did it so tastefully, I was like.

G: That’s the thing, it’s about your approach. Like if its super, if you come off as super judgmental, of course no one is going to listen to your opinion, whether you’re coming from a religious standpoint or not. But if you come off talking about something from a really respectful standpoint, I think you can argue anything. And you should be able to. We should be able to talk about things and not get defensive about things. We should be able to talk about things, and then after talking about it, still have your opinion and the other person has their opinion, fantastic, move on. And I think that sometimes, I don’t want to say the line gets crossed, but sometimes people get defensive about their own beliefs. And it’s like there is no reason to, because you believe what you believe, and that person believes something completely different, at the end of the day, you know, you’re not under threat because they believe something else.

M: No, and you just share, and I think it’s important to just be friendly with people. And I’ve had opportunities not in class, or forcibly, but if we are talking about something, you’re going to stumble upon this topic. And it was a great exercise for me going through college, but I will continue sharing this, and pursuing them, sometimes you can get scared, I know it can be tough, and then just going to my regular adult life, I know this, I’m comfortable, like I’ve done this and I know how it goes. I can do this and still be friends, and when I have the opportunity to be like, “what do I think about this? What do I believe?” and I can be like, well this is me, and that’s you, and that’s okay.

G: and it makes relationships fun too. Because if you were surrounded by people who all thought the same way as you, like, that’s like talking to yourself all day.

M: Boring.

G: Unless you’re like super pretentious and that’s something you really enjoy, but I don’t know I just really enjoy getting other peoples’ perspective and I think it's super important to not be so close minded to other people who are super different that you. To have diverse topics come up in conversation and be able to talk about it in a civil way.

M: Yeah, and how else are you going to get the opportunity, you know, as a Christian. I only have the opportunity going to people who aren’t like me to talk about what I believe, that’s super important, that’s what we're called to do at the end of the day. Some people are scared, I’ve had Christian friends who are like, “Oh my gosh, this person is an atheist, doesn’t believe in nothing. You don’t have to go in and be like, ‘Jesus.’”

G: Yeah, and what’s the worst thing that can happen? So, they say no, or they don’t want to talk to you about it. Okay.

M: And it’ll happen, you’re not called to convince them, you’re just called to share when the opportunity presents itself.

G: Exactly, and if that’s the worst that can happen is if they say no and they never want to talk to you again? Well then that’s the worst thing that can happen. So, you have a little bit of a cringe moment, well that’s fine.

M: Trust me we’ve had cringe moments.

G: We’ve all had cringe moments. That’s nothing new. It’s very important to meet new people and gain perspectives. And have fun doing it too. It’s fun.

M: Its scary, its cringey but it’s fun. Another quotable moment.

G: It’s scary, its cringey, and fun.

M: share if you’ve had any moments, sharing your faith, or if you’ve had any specific people in your life maybe that like, you want to share your faith with, let us know. Send in your questions, we may not have the answer but we wanna talk about it. 

G: Yeah, why not just talk, even if we have no idea what to tell you, why not just talk about it? And then come to the conclusion that we don’t actually know. Disclaimer.

M: And I don’t remember every single moment, but maybe something you guys say will remind me, and we can chat. Have a chat moment on social media. So, send us your questions, and we will see you guys for another episode

G: See you guys then.