005: Weekend > Work

M: Hi its Millie.

G: Its Gabi.

M: And we are here back for another episode of Change By Degrees. We are super excited about this one. We are gonna be talking about work life balance.

G: Yes, and uh, we think this is an important topic for everyone, not just students because especially in college, it’s easy to have one over the other; either work over everything else or life and weekends over everything else.

M: Just partying straight on, and I’ve seen that and its’ not pretty.

G: Yes, it’s not a pretty sight. But I’ve also seen the opposite where they work all the time and they don’t have a life. So, I think it goes both ways, but it also carries over into your adult life after graduation.

M: Yeah it’s really important to set up how you’re going to go about your like week day and your weekend and what takes priority and when so, um, we wanted to open this discussion by saying when did our mindsets of, like, the balance for our life, kick in. so when did that start shifting for you? Did you have a semester where you know you thought, “Man, I should focus more on school or focus more on chilling?”

G: Yeah, for me it was senior year of college, um, I think I flip flopped all through my college career but when I go to my senior year, my fall semester in particular, I was taking way too many classes because I wanted to finish. And because I picked up a minor late trying to play catch up in my last year of college, which was not the best thing, um, and so I had to come to the conclusion that ether I’m going to stress myself out so much that I’m gonna burn out in the semester and do terribly ,or I can take a breath and try to find that life balance and realize that it’s okay if you got a B on something. If you worked your hardest and you got a B, it’s fine, stop stressing about it, don’t be in the library every other day because like it’s okay to have a life in college. I think a lot of people think that when you go to college that, and it is your main “job,” but I think it’s important to also realize it’s okay to have fun and it’s okay to say, “No, I’m not gonna be in the library til 10pm.”

M: On a Friday night.

G: Right, I’m gonna go have dinner with my friends. That’s not a bad thing to do. So, I think my senior year I realized it.

M: That’s really important, and me going into my senior year, I think I’m also realizing that too. Because again, I went into freshman year, and I lived at the library. I didn’t have time, I had time, but I forced myself to not have time to get that 100% on a test or whatever um and only now am I realizing that I’m done with more stressful classes because I’ve like my whole college career has been getting all these classes done and now I have 4 classes fall semester and 4 classes spring and I feel like “woah what am I gonna do with all this extra time” I mean I’m working, and then I’ll just fit more stuff in, and I’m like you do have free time,  but you’re forcing yourself uh not to have free time and that has value in your life, um, so I think coming up, I still struggle with it, but I hope during the semester I can still say maybe I won’t take an extra hour on this assignment that’s already done to perfect it, and maybe I’ll go spend some time with my family and watch TV. So definitely, I hope I can get better and better at it as the new school year comes along but it’s a struggle.

G: Well it’s also about rewarding yourself too, and I know self-care is a huge buzzword but honestly half the time self-care doesn’t have to be one of those things where you spend an inordinate amount of cash on yourself, and it’s not healthy. It could be something where it’s like, “I’m gonna watch Netflix for an hour.”

M: And that counts.

G: One episode, okay? So, um and especially if you know you’ve done your best. You know, and you have free time, like you said before, you have free time but you’re tricking yourself into thinking that this hour and a half that I have needs to filled with something super super productive, and it’s like if you were productive for 12 hours today, I think you can take an hour.

M: Take a break, yeah.

G: I think that’s super important so yeah creating a weekend work balance. Yes, that’s like, it’s harder than it sounds. Talking about it is one thing but actually putting it into practice is another, and uh one thing I did in college and I did with a few of my friends although it wasn’t every single week because they were like I can’t do this every week but what I would do is on Friday night, and this is gonna be something people super won’t want to do but Friday night I would get out of my last class, I would go get something to eat I would go to the library.

M: That’s nice.

G: And I would buckle down and do most of my work that was due for at least Monday. Any of the work that I needed to get done that weekend I would do on like a Friday night, as you can imagine the library is completely empty, it’s a Friday night no one is gonna be there, but me and my friend, we would go and do that especially um senior year we were both super busy so we would do that and by doing that we would get most of our work done and then on Saturday I could relax, I was free to do whatever I wanted to because people you know go out on Friday and Saturday and first of all I don’t want to, so I might as well do homework on Friday

M: I don’t know who will be out on Friday night, and then you can take your Saturday morning you can sleep in and not worry about anything, plan an early lunch or something. Chill. I like that.

G: You get to relax.

M: I think it’s important to have a day off.

G: Yes.

M: Once a week, because I’ll be like I’ll do a little bit of work this day and a little bit of work that day and then I can schedule like an hour break. I think it’s important whether you’re working a student whatever you’re doing to have a say off. And it doesn’t have to be Saturday because some people work Saturdays which is legitimate but then Wednesday off or whatever it is. Like I will hang out with whoever or just chill. To have am brain off day, um and for me, Friday nights were yours, I was usually, I would chill Friday nights.

G: Yeah but that’s okay.

M: Because usually the way my schedule is, I have a big gap in between classes. Like you go in for a class at 9am and you have to stay at school until 3, and that was a break where like at mason I don’t want to do anything there so might as well grab a coffee and then take that time to study and do whatever I need to do and that way sometimes Saturday morning I would get some work done and then the evening would be off. but I think that’s a really good point, to find the time that you’ll get your work done.

G: And you also have to know when you’re going to be the most productive. For me I’m most productive at night so doing my homework on a Friday night is not something that’s super like mind blowing for my personality because I’m just I’m more productive in the evening. Like after dinner I’m like cranking out work like that’s when I do my work.

M: That’s when I’m like nap time.

G: It’ll be like 10:30pm and I’m like awake doing my work whereas in the morning, I’m not a morning person so I’m a little bit slower to get things done um.

M: I’m the opposite. I’ll get up at 5am and I’m like there’s nothing, no phone notifications there’s nothing coming up on my phone.

G: So, you’re not distracted.

M: I’m not distracted, because people will be texting me nonstop all day and I’m like I can get up early in the morning and focus on what I need to do takes me a while to wake up, but I have that time.

G: See I’m productive in the morning if no one is bothering me. Like if I can wake up, if I set an alarm for 7am and I wake up at 7am, I’m good as long as I don’t have to talk to people at like 7:30. I can be productive if I’m by myself. Like if I can wake up at my own time get my coffee at my own time, not have to have a full-length conversation with someone 45 minutes after I wake up.

M: My last semester I was in a group with all other guys for this engineering class and they’re like let’s have this 7am breakfast meeting.

G: Whose idea was that?

M: I was a morning person, so I was good, they weren’t, so I was like why did you?

G: Why did you even have this idea?

M: At a dining hall that I was like I don’t wanna be doing this right now and it wasn’t productive so when you have group projects consider other people’s productivity times too because you’re not gonna get anything done.

G: That’s why google docs are great because you can work whenever you want.

M: Yes, we use that all the time.

G: Google docs.

M: That’s such a good tip, that has saved my life so many times. But yeah for me the work life balance like you said is realizing something important, like you need to work in order to have a weekend, especially if you have a job, so I think a lot of people and I’ve seen that in college where your selfcare or your break time is valued way more than school.

G: Right, and that can make it.

M: What are you gonna have a break from if you don’t work, so that’s an important disclaimer, because in today’s society you’re gonna have like break time all the time, but no, I really value work, maybe too highly, but I think that’s important in order to have your weekend.

G: No, I agree, it goes both ways, there are people who are workaholics like you.

M: Thank you, drag me.

G: And there are people who think every day is the weekend and they don’t have a balance at all. And I think it’s important to have a balance.

M: And also have people in your life who will call you out, like Gabi will be like, “Stop working.” She’ll text me like, “Don’t work on this right now.”

G: Well, because you’ll be texting me about things.

M: At like 11 at night.

G: On Sundays I’ll show up and you’ll be like “ok so for tomorrow,” and I’m like “but we haven’t even done anything today.” Like I don’t even know what we are doing today; what is happening.

M: Exactly.

G: And you’re like “I already made a list today.” Like this past Sunday, I showed up and you had a little check box list for Monday. And I was like “I don’t even know what’s happening right now.”

M: We work really well together as you can see. But she’ll bring me down and focus because I’m already in the next week.

G: Which is good because you plan ahead, and you know what’s happening.

M: Too much.

G: But for me it’s not like I don’t plan, I’m just more like.

M: Relaxed.

G: Ill figure it out.

M: I like screamed inside.

G: Does that stress you out?

M: It stresses me out heavy.

G: That’s just what I—

M: But she’ll calm me down and be like maybe we can be more productive if you’re more in the moment and not so worried about all the other projects that you have going on that are not relevant right now. And on Sunday morning, its Sunday morning. That the priority.

G: I don’t know, it’s a strength, because then the people who procrastinate that’s like a whole other thing because you have the people who know they might know the balance they’re supposed to have, but they don’t carry that out. So if you’re a procrastinator, I went through a phase, I wouldn’t say I’m a procrastinator but I definitely went through a phase where I procrastinated a lot, it was my freshman year which I think is like valid because a lot of people procrastinate their freshman year because you’re in classes that you don’t even like probably. So, I procrastinated a lot and I knew what I was doing, and I knew I was making my own life suck in that regard because Sunday night comes and its 10pm and you haven’t even started the work that is due for tomorrow. So, and I, you can’t relate to that at all, see other people can but you cant well other people like you can’t, like type A personalities.

M: I won’t put myself under that stress.

G: See, I will but I know I’m doing it.

M: You are like “I have 2 hours to get this done, overnighter” and you use that positively and you get it done.

G: Yeah but it’s not like I enjoy it though. 

M: You don’t have to enjoy it, but it gets done.

G: But it does get done.

M: Me, I realize that, and I’m paralyzed. I can’t write a single word on this paper because I’m like why did I put myself in this position.

G: But then the longer you sit there the clock is ticking as you’re freaking out. 

M: I’m paralyzed, I can’t.

G: Everyone laughed at me because all my friends would ask “did you do this thing for this class” and I’d be like “no it’ll get done” and it became a thing every time they’d ask me about something they’d say “oh but it will get done, Gabi, right?” and I’m like “yeah it’ll get done,” and they’re like “well it’s not gonna do itself.” And I’m like “yeah but it’ll”—and I always thought like, okay its due at 8am. At 8am tomorrow it will be done. I don’t know how but it’ll be done. And it always was. I’m not the kind of person to just not turn in assignments.

M: I will say that in the span of a semester I think I speak for everyone like you show up the first day, you’re prepared.

G: All organized.

M: The last day of class even if it’s not extreme, something will be different you won’t be as prepared, you’re probably gonna be like—

G: It’s a mess.

M: Especially in classes I don’t enjoy and I realize I can still do well and not completely pay attention and be like slightly on google. So, it’s not procrastination, but my focus and diligence go down.

G: That’s fair, but you’re not to the extreme.

M: I will not say “it needs to get done”, I need to plan time.

G: I wouldn’t say that’s an extreme though.

M: That’s an extreme like—

G: It’ll get done, it’ll happen, I don’t know how, and it always did. Like an extreme would be this kid in my American studies class would always watch Netflix during class. He would have his headphones in and sometime when the professor would pause, I’d be able to hear it. And he sat in front of me, and I was like there’s no shame in his game.

M: This is really funny to me right now.

G: He showed up to class though that’s, he could be sitting in bed watching Netflix.

M: But why?

G: Because of the participation points. You got to be—

M: My professor wouldn’t even give me those points. They’re like your phone must be off and in your backpack, and you need to be looking at me all the time. See Netflix guy—

G: I’m sure he got his work done. Maybe, I don’t know him honestly, he probably failed the class, disclaimer don’t watch Netflix in the middle of class. Also, it’s just really really rude.

M: It is its distracting. Or people who pretend to pay attention, they have their headphones in, and like sir.

G: Like why did you even show up. But it’s the participation, that’s what gets people going to class.

M: Well ok, professors, pay attention because you have students in your class not paying attention.

G: You just have to be a body in the room to get the participation points half the time which is stupid.

M: Mine didn’t especially because honors college.

G: Oh honors college.

M: The bar was set that much higher so that you need to like talk two or three times, like that is like heavy stress right now.

G: See, I always thought that was really stupid, to be like you have to talk—I’m like what if I have nothing of substance to say, then I’m distracting people with my stupid thoughts.

M: No, you need to share your stupid thought.

G: You need to share your stupid thought. That’s the lesson. That’s how you get the points. Stupid thought=points. I like that.

M: Quotable, our first t-shirt, stupid thoughts get you points. In college they do!

G: Which is a whole other episode, a whole topic. It’s fine.

M: So, the next our last point would be building relationships in college and also maintaining them. Which is difficult. Did you stay connected to your high school friends?

G: Yeah actually I did because I’m still best friends with them today and we talk all the time which people tell you that that’s not gonna be the case, that your closest friends are gonna be in college. I made some close friends in college, but I could count them on one hand.

M: Interesting.

G: So, I mean, they don’t even live around here, that’s the thing. They live in Virginia Beach, or Richmond, so they’re nowhere near, I mean they’re near, but not near like hey let’s go hang out today.

M: You have to plan it out.

G: My high school friends are like ride or die, we’ve been friends since 6thgrade.

M: That’s middle school friends.

G: That’s 13 years friends.

M: That commitment is too much. Too much for me. Um I didn’t, I was homeschooled, so I had my church friends and they all went different places, which was fine. I’m super shy so I didn’t have a lot of friends. I mean there were acquaintances. And I had adult friends like that I looked up to like mentoring. But in college, even then, it’s like ok let’s work on this assignment together and I will not see you like to just hang out.

G: You have class friends.

M: Yeah that’s like my friendships. I mean you’re my friend, kind of, and I have a few others. Mostly through the church, but I know I need more friends.

G: You don’t necessarily need more friends.

M: A few, a few. It’s not just making them, it’s maintaining them, and I’ll be like well I don’t have to go plan time together, and I think that’s with any relationship. Like assuming you just see them in a class or like you live together with family, no especially when you grow up and you have things to do with your life you need to plan time together.

G: Right and that’s part of that balance, that life work balance or college life balance that you have, because even though its important to maintain grades, it’s also equally important to maintain relationships and some people in college can maintain 30 friendships and be close.

M: How?

G: I don’t see how, but we are both super introverted so that doesn’t sound fun to me anyway. To maintain 30 relationships like I would be burnt out.

M: Its taxing. 

G: But some people who are super extroverted and have that many friends like go off sis, but I can’t physically or mentally I cannot do that because I’m useless to you if I have 30 friends. I’d be completely burnout. 

M: So I think that’s important to see that even if you work together or live together, to plan out time and that’s what weekends are there for, because your work you will have relationships and peers but with the people that really help you grow and build as a person you need to plan that weekend time or that Friday evening time to just have fun together. It doesn’t have to just be working. And that’s a part of the balance. Relationships and yourself.

G: The relationship you have with yourself, there you go.

M: Please no.

G: Relationships and yourself.

M: Oh, my goodness.

G: And don’t forget classes, but I don’t know, just maintain relationships. Because those are the people that matter. Like you’re gonna get that piece of paper with the name of whatever major you had on it in, but people, people, it’s the people. 

M: That’s what it is. But that’s basically our take on weekend work balance, we don’t have it perfect, but it is important. And consider that when you go to college, you’re gonna have a new daily routine, and how are you going to fit that into your schedule. Especially if you move away from college, like the time you’re gonna spend back at thanksgiving, that’s important, and you may not want to see your family, but your family wants to see you and your friends, and you might want to hang out with your friends all weekend, but family too. Because they’ve been there the whole time, and they still will be. So, we def wanna make sure that its important in your life because its important in ours.

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