004: It'll Be Tough But It's Okay

Millie: Hey guys, it’s Millie again.

Gabi: And Gabi.

M: We are back for another week of Change By Degrees. I’m super excited, we talk about some real stuff now.

G: Yes. We are super excited, and we hope that everyone is having a good semester so far and that it’s going well. We still love to hear from you on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook.

M: Change Dy Degrees, remember the 3. I don’t want anyone to get confused. But I think we are about a month in and you might have realized it might not have been how you’ve imagined it would be. Whatever it is, it may not be exactly how you were expecting.

G: It might be tough, but it’s alright, and you’ll get through it, because we all have gotten through it one way or another.

M: She is speaking from experience. I’m almost there. It’ll be good. But I think to open, we just wanted to discuss how college was difficult for us, so you know we are real people, and it was…the struggle was real. For me, I think I mentioned it last week, but like, first semester was super difficult. Like, housing wise, and I ended up staying home, um, and that was just a whole lot of non-school related stuff that really took a toll on my stress level and anxiety, I actually lost 15 pounds, like freshman 15 negative direction. That was crazy to me, but in addition to that, it still was a struggle after that. I had tough classes, tough professors, and not to get super in the details but I had, like, this one class that as a musician I changed from—I started as computer engineering, and then I went to music tech, so I’m like, “This is where God wants me to be, I wanted to be here, this must work out, it’s perfect,” and I started it, and these classes were, like, hella hard. They were so difficult for me and coming in, like, when you think this is where you’re supposed to be and what you’re talented at and everyone tells you, like, this is what you’re good at, and you’re like, that’s the class you’re struggling the most in, you’re like I’m not meant for this. And I had this one, I had this sight singing class. It was one credit, guys. It was the hardest class I’ve ever taken, and I had to take three semesters.

G: The hardstone credit you’ve ever earned.

M: Yeah, and so I remember, like, every level was difficult. I got through, but this professor, I’m not even gonna name names, maybe in a later episode I’ll name names, but—

G: Don’t drag them.

M: It was tough. It was a sight singing professor and, like, literally every class, I think he just hates, like, or whatever, and he’s one of those people, like, I don’t know, like, if he can’t do it, he teaches it. And so literally every class he’s like, “You’re not meant to be here, you should drop out,” and like, “Go do something else cuz you’re not good at it.” I struggled heavy in that class, and it’s not because I’m not a good musician, it’s just, I really felt not validated. Like, maybe this is a sign that I’m not meant to be here. But I stuck through, I didn’t fail that class, but it was—like, I’ll be honest, walking out of that class, I’ve cried, because you’re so frustrated, like, I would walk out and every quiz I took, fail fail, fail, and I’m like, “This must not be what I’m meant to be doing,” but I’ve made it through, and it’s, yeah. It was really difficult; I can say that.

G: Yeah and that’s not—also not to say just because you’re obsessed with something and love something and want to major in it that it’s gonna be super easy. Like, there are so many people who are wanting to major in really difficult fields, whether it be medical or science or English or music, whatever, and it’s difficult. It doesn’t, just because you’re in love with it or have a passion for it doesn’t mean it’s not hard, like, you know, just because you understand it, doesn’t mean you don’t struggle with higher level classes or whatever. That’s also, I think, a misconception. People think that, “Oh, well you majored in it, it should be super easy for you,” like that’s not true. But yeah, that’s really good. I kinda had—not the same, but similar—just struggling with classes that were in my major, um, but I didn’t wanna have to take—so mine was, because, you know, you always have a class that you don’t wanna have to go through. Um, and once again, that doesn’t mean just because it’s in your field that it’s super easy.

M: And that you love everything. 

G: Right yeah, so for me it was just—that was a difficult part. Learning that not every class that you take is gonna be something that you enjoy and it’s gonna be hard to get a decent grade.

M: And focus and—

G: Yeah and focus, um, and so that was difficult. Like, I had to take a Shakespeare class, dude, I don’t wanna take a Shakespeare class. But as an English major, I had to take a Shakespeare class, um, but that was difficult cuz it’s not like we could use the notes, now they have, like, modern translation.

M: You’re right yeah.

G: And you now, instead of it being—

M: That’s horrible.

G: “Thous” and “thees”, it’s the modern translation. It’s like, “What up, Julius Caesar.” Ok well, that’s not what Shakespeare wrote. So, getting through that class was just—it’s like learning another language. Um, and sometimes you read Shakespeare in high school and bla bla bla, but it’s a whole different ball game in college when they’re like, “Can you read this play tonight?” And I’m like, “Oh, tonight? All tonight and know what’s happening?”

M: The whole thing.

G: Um but I mean—

M: SparkNotes, everything.

G: It just—all the SparkNotes, and using Shmoop, like, it puts it in really modern translation, and I’m like, “Ok, I understand this.” Even SparkNotes, I’m like. So anyway, that was difficult, just learning how to go through classes and understand that you don’t have to be good at every single class that’s in your field. Was I good at Shakespeare? I was ok, but it’s not my favorite, so I was like mmm. And then like, I mean, it’s not like because I sucked at my Shakespeare class I, like, suck at life. I took it because I was an English major, and I had to take it, but um, it’s the same—it’s not gonna be easy even if you are having classes in your major and everything. It’s still gonna be difficult.

M: For sure, um, now you know that.

G: But going off of that, you’ll also experience in college situations that you probably haven’t experienced before in life. Just a few that you will encounter is sharing a room with strangers. You move in and you’re sharing a room with someone, um, you have random roommates, you share a bathroom, you are eating dining hall food—

M: Horrible, I lost 15 pounds. I hated it.

G: I lost weight in college too, well, one, in college my schedule was really strange, and I was eating at weird times, and you’re running around and doing things and stressed out, but yeah.

M: For me, yeah shared room was tough, but I could cope with it. Shared bathroom guys, I hated it. Like my first week, my roommate got an infection from the—this is not a horror story, don’t get scared, like, she got an infection on her leg from the shower.

G: The community shower?

M: The community shower, and so they were like, “Don’t shave your legs in the shower because you can get an infection.” Like where am I supposed to—like, I’m gonna go drive 30 minutes to go take a shower at my house. So, wear flip flops. Be clean.

G: That’s so funny, because I think more colleges now are trying to be, like, instead of having community bathrooms and hall bathrooms they’re trying to have bathroom in, like, rooms.

M: Which is smart.

G: Which is smart.

M: And then you keep it up, so if you do, you have that great luxury.

G: I had that luxury becsue CNU is a pretty new school, like it was a college—

M: Yeah, Mason, old dorms.

G: You guys are like a 19thcentury school.

M: Heating and AC is like—

G: Our school is built in like 1960, so we’re like—But we had bathrooms in our, like, and I was in the crappy dorms for freshman, and we still had bathrooms, because I wasn’t in, like, the honors college or whatever. All the honors college kids got like super—

M: Drag me, we got like separate little communities being in the honors college which I don’t really care at all.

G: CNU has the presidential leadership academy, and my mom was like, “Are you gonna do that,” and I was like, “No, I’m not, dude, I can’t do that. I can’t fit in with those kids, are you kidding me, I’ll get kicked out.”

M: I applied for the honors college because I was like, “They’ll say no to that, but at least I’ll get into Mason,” you know, to show I’m trying. It was literally just a ploy so I could get into university because I thought, again, I’m homeschooled; they’re gonna say no.

G: I didn’t even apply.

M: I didn’t think, now I’m like, “Ok, I have to do these extra classes, like, this is really lame.”

G: That’s the thing you have to do the, um, CNU makes you go to talks once a month.

M: Yeah, we have to do that, dude, we have to do reports.

G: You have to sign in, and so one time my friend didn’t go because she had, like, tons of work to do, so she didn’t go to one of these speeches, you know, they bring in guest speakers and listen for 3 hours.

M: It’s stupid, it’s stupid.

G: And they emailed her, and said, “We didn’t see you sign in, your name is not on the roster,” and she got, like, a slap on the wrist for not showing up, and I’m like, “This is why I’m not in the presidential leadership academy.”

M: We have to be there and we have to write, like, type up reports. We have to take our first gen-ed together and just, like, honors 110, and you write a research paper on whatever you want, but you have to go, like, to certain amount of these talks from whatever random people. It’s always bad people to—

G: And give your professor like a report—

M: Yeah, you have to type it up, and it’s a waste of time, and so, you don’t even get nice dorms.

G: CNU you have to learn, like, how to be a leader and stuff, and I’m like yeah that’s—sorry I’m like dragging, we are dragging CNU and GMU.

M: We are.

G: It’s fine, it’s just, if you are in presidential leadership, go off, sis.

M: Not me. Well, I’m not a leader of anything, I just take extra classes.

G: But there was a leadership minor that people picked up if they’re in the leadership school.

M: So special.

G: They’d be like, “I’m a leadership minor” and I’d be like—

M: I don’t care.

G: Cool dude.

M: We are so mean, anyway. Those are all new things that you’ll experience in college. But the thing is that everything you are going through is not new. Like we did it, you’re gonna go through it. You’re gonna have, like, shared living. Not my thing, but communal living is not worth that for me.

G: It’s not for a lot of people.

M: But I mean, it’s not new. Talk to people. It’s not just us that have been through that and know that, like, it can feel like the end of the world. It can be like, “This is so new, what is this,” and I’m like, “It’s not new, people have done it before.”

G: Yeah.

M: And I think when you’re in it it’s really—you forget that. I was like, “This is the end of the world.”

G: Like you think you’re the first person to experience it.

M: Right like, I’d go to brush my teeth and there’s someone right beside me. This is such a new experience. 

G: This is like prison.

M: It was. Dude you’re like—you spoke my thoughts. Not my thing.

G: Yeah.

M: But yeah, it’s not new, so don’t freak out too hard, because people have survived.

G: Yeah and people are doing it right alongside you. You know, your school has how many people? Everyone is doing this right now, and there are thousands of schools across the US and in the world that people are all doing this. It’s nothing new. The people who graduated the year before you did this for 4 years. The people who are coming in after you are gonna do this for 4 years or however long. Like, it’s not new. You’re not experiencing anything that other people have not experienced. Something as minimal as having to brush your teeth next to someone or getting an infection—

M: It’s not natural.

G: It’s not natural.

M: It’s how it be.

G: It’s how it be sometimes. And same thing as, like, emotions that you feel during college, like, people, there are people who have experienced that exact same thing. And that’s why hopefully your school has resources for that, too.

M: And some people love it. Just because I didn’t; maybe you love brushing your teeth next to someone. No judgement here. Safe space.

G: Yeah if you’re super extroverted, and you really like having community—

M: You’ll love it.

G: 24/7 and you just love having someone brush their teeth next to you, girl, that is amazing. But you know.

M: No

G: That wasn’t for me. Obviously, it’s not for you. But see I didn’t—well, because I didn’t have a community bathroom. But I shared a bathroom with 5 girls. In our room.

M: It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

G: It was, we got really comfortable really quick with each other. Let’s say that.

M: Yes.

G: All strangers, I didn’t move in with anyone I knew.

M: I wasn’t part of a sorority or whatever.

G: I wasn’t either.

M: But it was still whoo! I can’t do like a dorm; I can’t do that. But yeah, some people love it. They thrive.

G: Sororities and stuff? Yeah. No, that’s anxiety right there. 

M: Too much.

G: That’s social anxiety. But um, that’s, even thinking about that makes me like start to sweat. No not conditioned for that. But anyways, so staying connected. That’s a way to stay connected, but shameless plug. Staying connected. This is a way. . .this podcast is a way to stay connected because that’s also important in college no matter, I mean, I’m an extremely introverted person. That doesn’t mean I don’t need community. And that’s what I found in Cru. And there were times where I did lie to myself and say no I don’t need community; um you cannot lock yourself in your room and be in your room and just go to class and that’s it.

M: Really? I tried.

G: It does not work. Let me tell you. Does not work. As much as you think it will, you need people in your life.

M: You’re built for that even if you’re an introvert.

G: And relationships and yeah, just because you’re introverted doesn’t mean you don’t need it. And it’s hard sometimes to find community in college because you’re in a new place, and um there’s not many people around you that you may know, and it’s difficult, but staying connected is important. And hopefully this podcast is just one way that you can.

M: Because its online, 

G: Virtual community. You don’t have to talk to us if you don’t want but—

M: But we want you to, but you don’t have to. 

G: But um, it offers a support system, and I think that’s super important.

M: That’s really good, yeah. Um, and something, personal note, rather than thinking, let’s say you’re struggling. You’re a month in, you’re like, “This is not for me.” Dude, finish your first semester. I mean, my parents told me you start, you finish the whole thing, but—

G: My parents were the same way.

M: That’s a bit extreme. Yes, there’s a point to be made, but stick it out. Like for me I was struggling for three years, and I’m going to my last year. I haven’t really enjoyed it. Not to be super negative, it’s just not for me…you really enjoyed your classes, but for me it’s like mm I’ve learned here and there, but it’s been a struggle.

G: But you’re not, like, miserable.

M: I’ve grown a lot, I’m not miserable, and I think, like, I’ve stuck it out because I know, like, dude, you’re spending money, unless you really, like, there’s a bigger opportunity that you want to pursue. Like college is not for everyone, but if you started this first semester, at least finish it. See what happens, give it a chance because if I gave up, dude, I probably would have regretted it. To be honest. So, I think that’s important. And you finished it and it will end. Like 4 years can seem like a long time when you’re like starting off, but I’m about to be done. Again, so crazy.

G: And, like, you’re first semester, you’re taking classes that you probably don’t even—you’re not even interested, you’re taking ged-eds like—

M: Good point.

G: So, I don’t think it’s a very good judge to be like, “Well, it’s my first semester, and I’m not enjoying it.” Well, you’re probably taking really sucky classes. Like, it’s gen-eds that everyone has to take. Yeah, I’m sure you’re not enjoying that science 101 class.

M: I’m taking one of those next semester. Thank you.

G: That’s because you waited till senior year to do that.

M: Drag me.

G: I did the same thing. I waited because I didn’t want to.

M: I didn’t know, I didn’t think I needed to take any science classes. Like, I got a 3 on the bio and said I needed a 4, and I’m like dude. Physics 101. Find me. Maybe a freshman will take some insane class that I’m gonna be taking with seniors. So.

G: Physics is um, I took physics lab, and then I took astronomy. No, it was cool.

M: What do you mean cool?

G: Well one there was no math in it. So that was my, that’s what I told my advisor, I was like, “Dude what’s a science class that has no math because I need the best chance possible of passing this class.” And she was like astronomy. And I was like I can do that. It’s like stars and crap.

M: Dude anything ocean or space, I’m like I’m never—

G: Aw ocean.

M: --Gonna be living there, so it’s boring as crap.

G: I wish we had an oceanography class; that would be fun.

M: Boring as crap to me. We are different.

G: Ok so you rather take, what, like, chemistry?

M: Sure.

G: No, that’s boring.

M: We are all different. That’s really boring to me. Um but lest say you’re not enjoying any of your classes, um, still find something you enjoy doing. Even if its small. Like again, I think I mentioned playing guitar, I really enjoy that. Or hanging out it, can be the smallest thing, like, I know you really enjoy reading, and it might not be for a class, and you think it might be a waste of time, but dude, like, you will get tired, especially if you’re not enjoying it. Then you need to find something you do enjoy, if you’re gonna stick it out, it’s important, and we want you to finish, and we are here for you. But find something you enjoy whether it’s listening to this podcast or something else or— 

G: Anything that gives you downtime. Because you need downtime, and ok it’s not just Netflix. 

M: It’s not.

G: You need to do something that’s—

M: Comedy at 1am?

G: Yeah, but you need to do something that you actually enjoy that is not so mindless as like just staring at a screen.

M: Yeah that’s what I’m saying.

G: Like reading, or like, I painted in college. I never painted really before that, but in college—

M: I suck

G: I had these small canvases—

M: Yeah, yeah. 

G: And so, I would just paint something on those and half the time they turned out really bad. But that wasn’t the point; the point was to just, like, just like, release stress or anxiety or whatever. That was one thing. Being outside, CNU has a great, we call it the great lawn.

M: Mines ugly. We are under construction.

G: You just continually drag your school.

M: They’re under construction so everything is like noises and it gets worse with every passing year because they’re gonna build new buildings, which is great. I’m not, I’m gonna be graduated and I’m gonna be done so.

G: Well, that’s still happened at CNU because we are super new college but it’s under construction all the time, but the great lawn is an area where there is no construction.

M: That’s nice.

G: And it’s huge and its quiet, for the most part, I mean you hear—

M: Find your nook, find your nook.

G: But yeah, and it just it was really relaxing, and I’d bring my towel out there and sit there and read and do whatever.

G: I think that’s important, like down time, but also sometimes when you study something that you’re like, “I want to do this for the rest of my life,” but you’re like, “Dude, I’m hating this,” like I started hating music. I don’t know if you started hating writing.

M: Yeah.

G: You’re like, but then you need to find something like, free write, find something that you wanna write. You might think, “I don’t wanna write anymore,” but you need to make sure you keep your love for whatever you had a love for before.

M: Right.

G: Like you don’t wanna get to the point where you hate the thing that you—that would really suck.

M: That would suck, so I’m saying like some of your downtime, like for me I had to be part of an ensemble and practice these classical guitar pieces and I was like shoot me right now, um I learned a lot and I had a good practice and then I played guitar in a way that I liked. Like whatever song I liked at the moment. I think is important to keep your love for it. Don’t let school kill your love for something you loved before.

G: Or work. Cuz it can put a bad taste in your mouth. Like, when you get out of college, like, I wrote papers—I couldn’t even tell you how many papers I wrote in college, that doesn’t mean I hate writing.

M: Yeah.

G: Did I hate writing a lot of the papers, yeah, but I mean, you don’t want it to get to the point where you can’t stand even doing the thing you love. Whether it be playing the guitar, music, or writing or reading, like I had to read tons of books and novels in college. I still read today; it’s just—

M: A success story.

G: Try to sperate that in your mind between a grade and just doing it because you love to do it

You love to do it. 

M: Remember that. Don’t let school kill that for you, but, so, we wanted to know how— you’re a through, ok? Roughly a quarter, we are making it through. Remember to stay connected, follow us, our social media pages updated and yeah, I guess we’ll see you next week, we hope you have a great week.

G: See you guys.

M: Bye.